An article I wrote to remind me...
Let’s face it. Life isn’t
easy. Shit happens. People we love die. Family, friends, people we learn and/or
work with say and do cruel things. Not
everything we want to happen in life, does. And often things we don’t want to happen,
do. We all have our share of heartache. Yet some individuals muster the strength to
push on in spite of it. They’re able to rise above life’s challenges rather
than sink. How? The answer is RESILIENCE. These individuals have the ability to
bounce back from setbacks to live happier, purpose filled lives. It’s something
we all aspire to and often all we need is the right mindset. So here are ten steps
to live a happier, freer, and fuller life.
1.) Develop a more positive attitude.
This doesn’t mean ignoring the pain or
denying the problem. It means choosing to be optimistic, choosing to look for
the good in each and every situation. Sure. This is hard in the moment. We all
need a good cry and plenty of time to grieve life’s disappointments. But don’t
dwell there forever. Choose to see setbacks as isolated incidents. Choose to
not beat yourself up—the world is not out to get us even though it often feels
that way. Instead, think three positives for every negative. Choose to be with positive
people who encourage and inspire, who appreciate and understand the depths of
your soul.
2.) Embrace Change. Get
a new haircut. Redecorate an office or a room in the house. Try a new hobby. Read
the latest book. Travel. Learn a new language. Visit a different museum or
restaurant. Meet new friends. Try switching out the same ‘ole Starbucks drink
for a new one. The less resistant we are to change, the easier it becomes when
a new change shatters our life—and it will. Life is full of change. Expect it.
Welcome it. Don’t let a fear of change numb all the good life has to offer.
3.) Face problems head on. Denial
leads to hopelessness whereas problem solving helps us feel in control. Think
deeply about what’s troubling you then brainstorm a list of solutions. Be
creative. Find more than one solution. Ask others for help, preferably people
who have been in the same situation or who know you well. Allow yourself to be
practical and impractical before narrowing down solutions. Then Act! Remember:
it’s your choice to stay in a miserable situation. Don’t just pretend the
problem isn’t there. Do something. And for problems that don’t seem to have a solution.
Reflect. Pray. Meditate. There are some problems we cannot fix. Some things we cannot change. Some wounds that will not heal. Sometimes, all we need is time. And our ability to press on in spite of it all.
4.) Forgive Yourself.
Shame kills joy. We all make mistakes. Rather than destroying your future with
your past, give yourself grace. Who you were. What you’ve done. It’s history.
Don’t let it rob you of your life. Don’t give it power. Rather, learn from your
mistakes. Take detailed notes. Mediate. Pray. Ask yourself for forgiveness then
let it go. Allow yourself to heal. Only then can you truly be free.
5.) Pursue dreams.
Learn what excites you, what motivates you, and go after it. Set short and long
term goals. Make a plan. Put it on the calendar. Stay focused. Following our
dreams builds confidence and provides a sense of purpose. If you’re unsure what
enlivens you, see a career counselor. Determine your interests and skills. What
makes you smile? What makes you feel alive? And go for it! Don’t sit around
waiting for your dream to find you. Work toward your goals. Live! And when
roadblocks slow down our dreams—which they will—fight. Work hard and don’t give
up. Nothing worth having ever comes easy.
6.) Have the Support
of a Mentor, Friend, or Counselor. We all need someone who
understands us and can help us succeed at life whether it’s an older mentor or
close sibling. Having a person who’s been there, who can help you feel less
alone, who can equip us with the tools necessary to achieve our goals and face
adversity is key to resilience.
7.)
Take Care of Ourselves. Exercise, music, nature
walks will help boost our energy and self-esteem. Get a good night’s sleep.
Treat ourselves to a bubble bath, massage, a favorite book or TV show, a round
of golf. If we expect to take on life’s challenges, we’ve got to build ourselves
up. Taking care of oneself, nurturing one’s soul, will boost confidence and
ready us for whatever challenges life brings.
8.)
Find the Humor. Laughter really is the
best medicine. When times get tough—laugh! It helps us gain perspective. Breaks
us free from our prison of despair. Watch a funny show. Read a comic. Hang out
with friends who make us laugh, who’ll help us not take ourselves so seriously.
9.)
Love Yourself.
10.) Compete with Yourself. We run our own race. Look
for improvements. Set new goals. Dwell on accomplishments. If we’re always
striving to beat So and So, we risk
losing ourselves. Comparing our life to others never brings happiness or
contentment. We’ll only feel out of control. There will always be someone
richer, prettier, smarter, more athletic, healthier, etc. so the only person we
should compete with is our past self.
Life isn’t always going to go our way
and that’s okay, it's what makes life exciting. But if we develop resilience. If we love and take care of ourselves.
If we pursue our dreams. If we laugh, and focus on the positives. If we seek
solutions, we’ll have no choice but to be fearless. Life can throw anything at
us and we’ll be ready. We’ll rise, even if it’s an inch by inch crawl out of
our pain to be happier, freer, and fuller people than we ever
were before.
