Live Life to the Fullest

An article I wrote to remind me...

Let’s face it. Life isn’t easy. Shit happens. People we love die. Family, friends, people we learn and/or work with say and do cruel things.  Not everything we want to happen in life, does. And often things we don’t want to happen, do. We all have our share of heartache.  Yet some individuals muster the strength to push on in spite of it. They’re able to rise above life’s challenges rather than sink. How? The answer is RESILIENCE. These individuals have the ability to bounce back from setbacks to live happier, purpose filled lives. It’s something we all aspire to and often all we need is the right mindset. So here are ten steps to live a happier, freer, and fuller life.

  

1.)  Develop a more positive attitude. 

  

      This doesn’t mean ignoring the pain or denying the problem. It means choosing to be optimistic, choosing to look for the good in each and every situation. Sure. This is hard in the moment. We all need a good cry and plenty of time to grieve life’s disappointments. But don’t dwell there forever. Choose to see setbacks as isolated incidents. Choose to not beat yourself up—the world is not out to get us even though it often feels that way. Instead, think three positives for every negative. Choose to be with positive people who encourage and inspire, who appreciate and understand the depths of your soul.

2.)  Embrace Change. Get a new haircut. Redecorate an office or a room in the house. Try a new hobby. Read the latest book. Travel. Learn a new language. Visit a different museum or restaurant. Meet new friends. Try switching out the same ‘ole Starbucks drink for a new one. The less resistant we are to change, the easier it becomes when a new change shatters our life—and it will. Life is full of change. Expect it. Welcome it. Don’t let a fear of change numb all the good life has to offer.

3.)   Face problems head on. Denial leads to hopelessness whereas problem solving helps us feel in control. Think deeply about what’s troubling you then brainstorm a list of solutions. Be creative. Find more than one solution. Ask others for help, preferably people who have been in the same situation or who know you well. Allow yourself to be practical and impractical before narrowing down solutions. Then Act! Remember: it’s your choice to stay in a miserable situation. Don’t just pretend the problem isn’t there. Do something. And for problems that don’t seem to have a solution. Reflect. Pray. Meditate. There are some problems we cannot fix. Some things we cannot change. Some wounds that will not heal. Sometimes, all we need is time. And our ability to press on in spite of it all.

4.)  Forgive Yourself. 

       Shame kills joy. We all make mistakes. Rather than destroying your future with your past, give yourself grace. Who you were. What you’ve done. It’s history. Don’t let it rob you of your life. Don’t give it power. Rather, learn from your mistakes. Take detailed notes. Mediate. Pray. Ask yourself for forgiveness then let it go. Allow yourself to heal. Only then can you truly be free. 

5.)  Pursue dreams. Learn what excites you, what motivates you, and go after it. Set short and long term goals. Make a plan. Put it on the calendar. Stay focused. Following our dreams builds confidence and provides a sense of purpose. If you’re unsure what enlivens you, see a career counselor. Determine your interests and skills. What makes you smile? What makes you feel alive? And go for it! Don’t sit around waiting for your dream to find you. Work toward your goals. Live! And when roadblocks slow down our dreams—which they will—fight. Work hard and don’t give up. Nothing worth having ever comes easy.

6.)  Have the Support of a Mentor, Friend, or Counselor. We all need someone who understands us and can help us succeed at life whether it’s an older mentor or close sibling. Having a person who’s been there, who can help you feel less alone, who can equip us with the tools necessary to achieve our goals and face adversity is key to resilience.

7.)  Take Care of Ourselves. Exercise, music, nature walks will help boost our energy and self-esteem. Get a good night’s sleep. Treat ourselves to a bubble bath, massage, a favorite book or TV show, a round of golf. If we expect to take on life’s challenges, we’ve got to build ourselves up. Taking care of oneself, nurturing one’s soul, will boost confidence and ready us for whatever challenges life brings.

8.)  Find the Humor. Laughter really is the best medicine. When times get tough—laugh! It helps us gain perspective. Breaks us free from our prison of despair. Watch a funny show. Read a comic. Hang out with friends who make us laugh, who’ll help us not take ourselves so seriously.

 

9.)  Love Yourself.

Our perception of ourselves, positive or negative, determines our behavior. If we believe we are unworthy, we act that way. But who we are is not determined by something outside of us. It is not determined by others. It is determined by us, by our own inner thoughts. We alone destroy ourselves— from within. With lies we tell ourselves. With past pain and words that echo through our mind. So be compassionate. Each morning, look in the mirror and give praise. Say three positive truths. Force yourself to do it even if it seems cheesy. The world is not kind; if we depend on others for approval, we’ll be waiting a long time.

10.)  Compete with Yourself. We run our own race. Look for improvements. Set new goals. Dwell on accomplishments. If we’re always striving to beat So and So, we risk losing ourselves. Comparing our life to others never brings happiness or contentment. We’ll only feel out of control. There will always be someone richer, prettier, smarter, more athletic, healthier, etc. so the only person we should compete with is our past self.

Life isn’t always going to go our way and that’s okay, it's what makes life exciting. But if we develop resilience. If we love and take care of ourselves. If we pursue our dreams. If we laugh, and focus on the positives. If we seek solutions, we’ll have no choice but to be fearless. Life can throw anything at us and we’ll be ready. We’ll rise, even if it’s an inch by inch crawl out of our pain to be happier, freer, and fuller people than we ever were before.